OK. We all have had life events happen. Lost of job, a death of someone close, debt, a failed relationship, or worst. Those events, can be looked at either one of two ways. Positive or Negative.
Now someone is going to say how do you look at the death of someone you cared deeply about as positive. Well, my mum died in her 70’s. When I look back at her life and death, I think about:
- Her laughter. She loved to have fun.
- Her support. She was always behind me.
- What she taught me.
- That her last year was tough. Lung cancer is a death, I do not wish on anyone. She finally can rest, and not be in pain every day.
- She is in a better place.
- She is still with me in spirit.
Ever event can have a silver lining if you look for it. In fact, the key to therapeutic intervention with some phobias, and behavioral issues, is a “Reframe” of the meaning. To be supportive or productive rather than destructive.
I was terrified of public speaking. Yet. I have a speaking business, and have been a trainer for 35 plus years. Early in my life, public speaking meant: I am not good at it, people will laugh, I can’t remember what I am going to say, and many more NEGATIVE self talk statements. All stemming from GRADE 2, and the kid laughing at me, when I read out loud from books. I was embarrassed and the became a link, in ball and chain that got longer, heaver, and tougher to break.
Master some personal development and NLP, I learned about Reframes. I took past memories and reframed them to someone positive. The kids laughing at me, meant I am funny in front of a group. A good thing for a speaker. My self talk got killed by a receptive statement, I said before I started each speech or training. I will be EPIC. Filled with Energy, Passion, Influence and Closing. Eventually that negative crap disappeared.
All based on me changing what the event meant to me. You can do the same.
One of my mentors Charles Givens, said it differently. He called it Positive Replacement. You have to condition the mind to look for positive meaning. So, he would say, if you have a negative thought, you must come up with 2 positive thoughts, immediately. Therefore, I train my mind to look for the positive.
Say. You suck at something. Immediately, look for the 2 positives. I recall being 78k in debt. That would be considered a negative. But now i have to find the positive. Well:
- 78k is better than being a million in debt. 🙂
- Debt for a cash flow asset it GREAT. I just have the wrong debt.
- I know how to get Credit. I will be able to do that again.
- This will be a good story one day.
- Maybe debt is not the issue, maybe I don’t make enough money for that type of debt.
- How can I make a lot money in a short period of time to pay the debt.
You can always find positive thought. Even if the event is just a lesson, you needed to learn.