Millionaires are by no means exempt from failures. They have losses, make mistakes in judgment, and screw it up occasionally. They keep a positive attitude, no matter what. They tell themselves, “I will get them next time. I just have to work a little harder or smarter to get a better result.” They know that all they need is a better plan. A new strategy. A better mentor. They also, know a flat ball doesn’t bounce so they keep it pumped up. Maintaining their motivation, even if the score is against them.
That is where strategy, questions, and perception are often a great tool. How you perceive the event, will keep the ball pumped up or not.
So let me share with you 6 strategies that are useful along your path:
- Perception of events.
- Positive Replacement
- Interrupt Pattern
- Physical Response
They have served me well.
Strategy: Nothing has any meaning until you assign it meaning.
Assign it a GREAT meaning. A positive meaning.
My mother died a several years ago. Now many people will see that a majornegative life event. Reacting with a number of negative emotions. Loss. Heartache. Regrets. And more. I chose to see it as a blessing. She had lung cancer. Went through chemo, and radiation. I recall her one-day in the hospital, saying to me “It’s just not worth it, Jim”. So for me her death was a blessing. Her pain was gone. She is with the angels. I was happy for her. Now, she is in heaven looking after me. And her spirit travels with me each and everyday.
Every event in life can have a positive meaning. You just have to look for it.
By the way, if we assign a positive meaning to the event. It does not affectus negatively. For example, many entrepreneurs, will have a failure, or disaster. How you look at the event is important. A failure. Actually, I do not at them that way. They are all learning experiences. Just part of the process to success, and achievement. So it is ok for me to have a failure.
It Means I am getting closer to success.
Sometimes that is tough, because the life event is HARD. That is were youmight condition your mind to look for positive, with the positive replacement.
Strategy: Use positive replacement to condition the mind.
Most folks, not all, are conditioned to look for the negative in life. Our mindslook for the faults, problems, potential problems, why it won’t work, or how this event is going to destroy me. Not sure where that conditioning comes from: Family, Society, School or Friend. Maybe all of them. But a few of us look for what is possible. What is positive? Now I was not always a positive guy. Had my own demons.
One of my mentors, Charles Givens taught me this strategy, and it works. So TRY IT.
Some event happens in your life. A death, a financial debt, job loss, or a lossof loved one, or illness. We immediately come up with how this is going to negatively affect your life. We lament. We get angry. We get upset. We get depressed. Or even worse.
For example, at one point in my life, I had 78k in debt (all credit card debt).And I could not make the payments. I was thinking:
• I am screwed. I can’t pay the bills.
• I am a failure.
• How did I get myself in this shape?
• I will never take a risk again.
• Owning your own business sucks.
• I am not as smart as I thought I was.
• People will think badly of me.
• I have failed my wife and kids.
• I will be on the street soon.
All negative thoughts. I was pretty depressed and not very motivated. Infact, I actually had a few thoughts, about my life insurance policy. My family would be better off if I was dead. WOW. That is stupid.
Thank GOD, as those thoughts were rolling around in my head, the seed of an idea, I had read many years earlier, popped up. For every adversity in life, there is the seed of greater opportunity. That got me thinking. What is good about this situation? Chuck (Charles Givens) has a strategy. For every negative you have to come up with 2 positives. Positive thought replacement of a negative thought.
So. What is GREAT about being 78k in Debt?
• I know how to build credit. That can be useful in the future.
• Successful people tend to take risks. To win the game you have to take some risk.
• I had some good days in the business, what did I do on those days to make money.
• It will be a good story some day.
• At least I am not a 100k in debt. And I met a guy a million in debt, which made my perspective shift a little. At least I was not 1 million in debt.
• You know, what debt can be a good thing if it is GOOD debt. Borrowing to make money.
• Maybe I should not be thinking I can’t make the payment, but how could Imake the payment.
• I have time to spend with my wife and kids.
• I have time to change to improve my life.
Hey, those positive thoughts saved my life. Put me back on track. In fact, I started to look, how could I make a lot of money in short period of time.
Actually moved me into the Real Estate game.
Positive Replacement means, the moment, you have 1 negative thought. You must immediate come up with 2 positive reasons or interpretations. Write them down. You begin to condition the mind to look for the positive in each event in life. Building the habit of looking for the brighter side of life.
Strategy: Interrupt the negative pattern or emotion.
When my children cried in their youth. I did not say, “oh poor dear”. Or say “that must hurt”. I immediately said “shake it off” and often tried to make them laugh. Both better responses than reinforcing the crying. Kill the emotional monster while it is little. Interrupt the pattern.
There is a physical response or pattern to anger, loss, heartache and depression. If you can interrupt the pattern, you can get out of the funk. Distracting your thought process, with other activity can stop the thoughts.
Interrupt the pattern with:
- Change of activity. Video game.
- Laughter. Listen to a comedy show, or show.
- Eat. Changes the blood chemistry, but may become a problem (fat).
- Questions. Ask the right positive question.
- Physical exercise. Take control of physiology.
Strategy: Interrupt negative emotions with Physical exercise.
One of the quickest ways to change your negative thought(s), is to exerciseor change your physiology. Does not matter, if that is going for a run, meditation, deep breathing, playing a sport, or just going for a walk. Physical exercise interrupts thought (and negative patterns).
You can’t figure the problem out at your desk. Go for a walk in the park.
Constantly thinking of a issue, but can’t come up with a solution, time for astretch break.
Strategy: Ask good questions.
The quality of your perception, is usually the quality of the questions you askyourself and things you say about yourself regular. If you have a “failure” and your questions are:
- Why does this always happen to me (you will get answers).
- How did I get into this problem?
- Am I ever going to get out?
- I have screw this up, haven’t I.
- Why did they do that to me?
- Why is this bothering me?
- Why am I so fucked up?
Why questions often lead to negative emotions. Much better to ask What questions.
If you reaffirm negative thoughts about yourself with comments or thoughts, you will condition future behaviors. Your personal narrative about yourself, turns in to actions. Therefore, you need to kill thoughts like:
§ This always happens to me.
§ Just when I get close, I screw up.
§ I am not good at this.
§ I always mess up.
§ That figures.
§ There is no use in trying
§ I can’t….. Fix this, deal with it, change it.
§ I am going to look bad.
§ Things won’t change.
These types of questions, reinforce the negative.
Better questions, will put you in a better state to solve the situation:
- What did I learn from this?
- How can I use this event to my advantage?
- How have others solved this problem?
- Who do I know that can help me with this?
- Does my mentor have some ideas?
- What assumptions am I making?
- What is the worst that can happen? What is the best?
- Does thinking about this constantly, serve me?
- How else could I look at this situation?
- How can I dig out.
- What steps do I need to take.
- How CAN I, afford this, How CAN I fix this.
- What can I do about it?
- What is going on with my motivation, or emotions?
- How can earn from this situation.
When you have “Funk” the best thing to do, is step way from the reality of the moment, and look long term, or from a different perspective. A friend of mine, likes to say, go 10 years in the future, and ask will this matter? Or go to the top of the stairs, and look down. The stairs may look daunting when you are at the bottom, but pretty easy, when you are at the top (you climbed them). Perception is everything.
Strategy: Get rid of your limiting beliefs.
Often, negative thoughts, are a symptom, of a lack of belief in self, or limiting beliefs about self. Therefore, work on stronger empowering beliefs, can improving thinking and thoughts.
SEE article on changing A BELIEF.